


This Is Why

by Onyxim



Category: Justice League & Justice League Unlimited (Cartoons)
Genre: AO3 is shit when it comes to uploading fics from your phone, Alien Food, Attempt at Humor, Bruce refuses to eat this shit, Clark is unamused, Crack, Diana makes him anyway, Friendship, Gen, Humor, I Tried, I've done this three times, Not sure if this qualifies as Crack but I'll throw that tag in here anyway, Off-World, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-08 12:13:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4304571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onyxim/pseuds/Onyxim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was exactly the reason Bruce avoided foreign food.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is Why

**Author's Note:**

> I've tried uploading this fic almost three times. THREE. And it takes like thirty minutes to rewrite the story.  
> i am so done today omfgofksifnaidhsk

Bruce was fine with off-world missions. Perfectly okay with them. As a matter of fact, he, Superman, and Wonder Woman were on a planet that was expecting an all-out attack from a neighboring planet at the moment. It felt a little nice sometimes to get off Earth for a while. He had to admit that the inhabitants were a lot more colourful than he was used to seeing on alien planets.

What he couldn't stand? Their fucking "customs".

They had to wear this ridiculous looking clothing (black tights and a heavy blue shirt that stopped at their waist with yellow boots), saying "shut up" was the equivalent of saying "fuck you" on Earth, and all off-world visitors had to have dinner with the queen and her family, like some way of deciding whether your intent was good on her planet.

"Just try it," Diana pushed. She leaned in closer to Bruce's ear and whispered, "It's custom on this planet! They'll think you're disrespectful if you don't, Bruce."

Can't forget about the food.

"And?" Bruce snorted back, and one of the blue and green alien women--her sister, he assumed,-- across the table turned in her seat to glare at him. "I am not touching. . .that."He gestured at his plate.

The said food was a meal of what looked suspiciously like grey worms swimming (not literally, he hoped) in red sauce. Just looking at his plate made his instincts scream, "Alert! Alert! Do not consume!"

"Bruce," Clark warned quietly through clenched teeth, gesturing with his eyes between the annoyed alien queen across the table and his friend.

"Clark," Bruce snapped in the same tone.

"You're being extremely childish," Diana sighed.

"Am not," he protested. "I'm not eating this. It looks disgusting."

Diana turned to him and plastered a fake smile on her face, but under the velvet table cloth she used her left hand to grab his thigh. Hard. Bruce jumped and winced.

"Eat. The. Food," she whispered harshly breath tickling his ear, still grinning in a manic sort of way. "The sooner we all get it over with, the sooner we can leave."

Bruce glanced at everyone else's plates: they had all been wiped clean, save for his team's.

_The sooner we can leave._

"On three," he finally sighed after a few moments. 

Diana nodded, satisfied, and turned her attention to her own food. Bruce couldn't help smirking a little with her nose wrinkled in distaste.

"One," Clark murmured.

"Two." Diana picked up her fork and inhaled deeply.

"Three." Bruce shoved a forkful in his mouth and chewed.

The sauce hit his taste buds first. At first, it tasted pretty good, with the tangy flavour barbeque. When he bit through the so-called pasta, however, things took a turn for the worst.

First of all, it confirmed his suspicions: it was the way he imagined biting through a worm felt. The taste was another thing. It was like eat the meat of expired, raw chicken. He kept chewing, screwed his eyes shut and tried not to imagine the "noodles" in his mouth wriggling around on his tongue.

Diana had nearly choked when she took her first bite, but she kept a reassuring smile on her face to please the alien royalty sitting across the table. She swallowed and noticeably shuddered.

Clark wasn't faring much better. He stopped chewing and chased down whatever was in his mouth with a cup of water, and shook his head viciously like the taste would spiral out of his mouth if he tried hard enough.

Bruce inhaled deeply and swallowed. And nearly vomited because it felt like it was moving around in his stomach. He snatched his water off the table and downed the whole cup. Which, unfortunately, made his stomach turn violently and he clamped his mouth shut.

"So? How do you like it?" The alien queen seemed almost giddy with excitement, like she couldn't wait to hear their answers.

"It was amazing," Diana lied.

"Delicious," Clark said, but his voice was strained.

The queen turned towards Bruce, raising a muscle above her eye (like some sort of substitute for an eyebrow).

He glanced at her, looked at his plate, then opened his mouth to speak.

And threw up all over the table.


End file.
